Life's a party, live it up

Ever since I was three months old.. I was in the water. I did Moms & Tots with my mother and I was swimming before I was walking. Flash forward 18 years later.. and I no longer swim anymore. Everything that happened in between changed me. I’m no longer that innocent little girl who loved the water. I don’t know what happened.. and I somewhat want that athletic girl back. I can’t say I’m not happy.. because I am.. but a huge part of me longs for that past that I had. I’m not exactly sure what I want back.. I think it’s the title. The title of being the fittest, strongest, most athletic and the fastest. Then again, that’s total shallow wanting. On the other hand, I miss the people, I miss the sense of family, I miss the team, I miss the goals, I miss the hard work, and I miss the feeling of the water as I swim my way through it. I miss the overwhelming feeling of hard work paying off. That one moment where your smile couldn’t have gotten any bigger. I felt on a high. It’s something that can not be taken away from me but it’s something that I want to feel again. I want to feel the ache in my muscles and my bones after a hard workout. I want to feel the exhaustion at the end of the day because of so much physical exertion and I want to feel the achievement of success. That you did all that you could to get to the place you are now. I want to feel proud. I want to feel like I can do anything that I set my mind to. I want to feel empowered. How do you get those feelings again? Would I be able to get it somewhere else? I don’t know. So far, after 3 months since I quit.. I have not found it anywhere else.